"I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination."
Chelsea Handler: Do you read the newspaper every single day?
Russell Brand: Actually as a matter of fact I refuse to. I don’t like it. Sometimes I’m in there and it says the most ghastly things. Like, you’re in the newspaper, so you know it’s not true. They say things in there to make you either unhappy, afraid, or think you’re a bit too fat, or be afraid of people that are a bit of a different color. I think it’s stupid. I won’t read it. Then people will just tell me “‘This’ was in the news,” and I’ll go ‘Well, put it into language I can understand,” and then they’ll just show me some boobs.
Russell Brand on Chelsea Lately
We have a 16 year old (Lorde) who has number 1’s around the world, who wrote her own song speaking about society. I think she’s like today’s definition of a singer/songwriter. I feel the same way about Kendrick Lamar, I feel the same way about Ed Sheeran. These are kids who are like, ‘I have a point if view, and I’m not gonna wait on the old antiquated system to allow me to have my just due and speak my peace.’ I just think that’s remarkable.
I cannot complain. I cannot.
I don’t smoke menthols. I don’t use any product marketed specifically to black people, because that’s where the poison is," Chappelle said. "I smoke, like, Virginia Slims. I look at the box and think, ‘Nobody is going to hurt that white woman. Give me some of those.’
I appreciate the thought behind my bank offering fraud prevention on my account, but enough is enough. They closed my card yesterday without notifying me, and I had to face the embarrassment of having my card declined trying to buy two 20 oz. Sprites. Clerk talking bout “I tried it 3 times. I even wiped it on my pants.” What’s worse is the fraud prevention people text me last week after I bought deodorant at Walgreen’s like “TEXT ‘1’ IF THIS $3 PURCHASE A BLOCK FROM WHERE YOU LIVE IS FRAUD.” Who steals a card and goes to ball out at Walgreen’s to buy $3 deodorant? Cancel my shit if someone was trying to buy Vagisil in Oregon or something. I need a drink.
A complete stranger in the gym tried to clown my workout gloves under his breath. Little did he know I was listening to Taylor Swift at a low volume which allowed me to hear a snippet of the comment. I paused my iPod and asked what he said. He asked “Why you wearing gloves?” I responded “Your girl told me she like smooth hands.” Then I walked away to do abs. Taylor brings out the G in me.
Let us all do this tomorrow! Send us your pictures!
UK-writer and illustrator October Jones regularly spices up his monotonous commute with these funny little drawings that playfully replace fellow commuters’ heads with cartoon characters. Over the past few years, Jones has continued to post these entertaining combinations to his Twitter account whenever he was bored on the train.
Rather than hating his Monday morning or getting getting super irritated by the annoying guy who whistles on a public train, Jones uses his imagination to entertain himself and all of his Twitter followers. He is great at matching the person’s outfit and pose with a perfectly placed Hellboy or Pringles guy. When he posts each photo, he pairs the simple doodle with a funny tweet and the final results change an otherwise dull train ride into an amusing anecdote.
see more at mymodernmet
Follow us: Inspiring Pieces
tell us your opinion in the comments below!
For the past year or so I’ve been having a severe internal battle, looking for a guidance from a higher power but finding zero. But earlier today something occurred that changed may change my life forever. I dropped my facial electric shaver on the floor and broke it. I’ve been wanting a very low cut, freshly lined beard and mustache for years. However, every time I start the growth process, there’s some sort of event that requires me to be extremely attractive. Therefore I shave off my peach fuzz leaving my face smoother than a porcelain monkey’s nipples. Now that I have no electric shaver, I can fulfill my dreams of looking like a French actor who’s in it for the love of theatre and not the money, that’s lean yet muscular, and possesses the ability to charm any and every woman (Even lesbians), but chooses monogamy and traveling the world with his lovely wife he met on a missions trip in Africa.